How I Came Out at Program

As I have written before, I attend a program for my mental health, so this is the program I am referring to. I will give some background about program first. Then I will speak some about the process I used, and something about how that played out. Finally, I will give some of my impressions about how I have been received.

The program is a PRP (Psychiatric Rehabilitation Program). Don’t get frighten by the Psychiatric part. The section I am in is basically people trying to deal more effectively with their problems. It has help me immensely to become mentally well and to stay that way. The program offers case management (where you work on making goals among other stuff), groups (e.g. positive thinking, anger management, goal setting), outings (e.g. shopping centers, coffee, parks), and the opportunity to socialize (maybe the most important feature of program). And, now the program offers peer mentors to help guide new people in the program. I am one of those mentors.

So, why did I choose to come out socially for the first time at program? Program in some ways is sheltered. There are professional mental health workers there. These not only have a professional duty to assist me, but they are actually accepting of me. Also, besides my girlfriend my closest friends go there. The fact that everyone there is either going through mental health issues or are helping professionals makes my trans status as something that is just another issue that I have. Even though most of being a transgender woman is positive for me, I do deal with navigating my world because of it (e.g. bathrooms¹).

Let me now tell you how it played out. The first person I came out to was my case manager. She’s great. And, she accepted me right away. This was the same day I came out to my psychiatrist right before I told my case manager. Before I came out to her I told her I didn’t want this to be charted and would be completely confidential with her. She agreed (the only exception would have been if I verbalized a threat to my self and/or others). My, what had become my standard method, way of revealing is to say, “I want to tell you that I am a transgender woman” with a deep breath and imagining holding a online gurlfriend’s hand.

The next person on the staff I came out to was the program director. I wanted her to be in on it because there was once another transwoman attending program a few years back, and I wanted to here how she came out. It ended up that she came to program as out at the start so she didn’t know anyone who would have known her in guy mode. And, everyone there has known me as a guy. Still, she accepted me too both professionally and personally like my case manager, who was there when I revealed my trans status to the director.

I was planning on coming out on October 9th in a peer support group, which the mentors have been co-leading on a rotating basis, and I was to co-lead then. Initially, they provided us with a list of possible topics if we needed one. There was one on there that was “reinventing yourself.” What more perfect topic for me could there be as I transition from living as a man to living as a woman. I would say it is a big reinvention, and I would be the biggest of my life. But, before I came out to the group I wanted to give a heads up to the staff co-leader. Again, my case manager was in on the meeting, and again I revealed myself as a transgender woman in my standard form. Once again I found acceptance right away.

I told two more case managers who where running groups that I am attending, so they could be aware. Again, there was immediate acceptance. One of them, who happens to be super super nice talked with me for about fifteen minutes after I told her. I have been amazed at the level of acceptance I have gotten from my providers. There are no challenges to my womanhood, which I thought would be a standard interrogation of transgender individuals coming out to treating professionals. I still found it necessary to explained why I bloomed so late. But, that is more a revealing of the process of coming to identify as a woman, than why I am a woman.†

Now I will relate, what I see as the more important point of this post. The first of the my reveals was to a group of my fellow mentors in a weekly check in group. This was suggested to me by the staff co-leader and mentor administrator when I did come out to her (see above). I did this under the understanding that it would be kept confidential among the mentors in the group until I made the big reveal in the peer support group. I came out in my standard manner. I was received with out any negativity that I could detect. One young woman divulged she had trans friends, and there is now more acceptance to being trans.‡

Okay, here is my big reveal. Remember I was co-leading the group and did not want to monopolize the group. At first in the manner I usually co-lead the group is to ask if anyone has anything they wanted to share good or bad. We tend to rally around each other when someone has an issue. Then, I introduced the topic – reinventing yourself – and quickly listed some of my past reinventions and opened it up for others to share, which they did. With twenty minutes left and the group quieting down, and a nod from the staff co-leader, I said that I had something to share that I would not hold them to confidentiality like I did with my follow peer mentors; with a deep breath and an imaginary hand hold from a gurlfriend I said it, “I am a transgender woman.” The reception was mostly neutral, but after revealing some of my transitioning plans and what they could expect at program from me a few clients spoke up, including one male friend who was worried about my safety. The group ended soon after this.

The next day I came out in two more groups. I’m not sure of what many of them thought, but the group leader of one twice referred to me as Stephie and once as she. I was all dreamy after that. The thing was she said it so naturally, like she had known me as Stephie for years. The next week I came out in the last group I attend there.

So, what are the effects so far of my coming out? The greatest effect is I can be my whole self, which includes my gender—I am a woman. I don’t have to worry about my mannerisms or my walk. Another effect is I will be able to dress as I want and eventually come there more and more femme, including at some future time (target date is next July) I will be in complete woman mode all the time. But, as I mentioned above about the issues I am dealing with in navigating my world, coming out at program will allow me to work openly on these issues.

Like Smeagol in The Lord of the Rings movie when he shook of Gollum in The Two Towers, “I’m free, I’m free.”

As of now I have not received any negative treatment since coming out; and I seemed to have been accepted by a number of my fellow clients there. I will be watching closely over the next several weeks and get a feel of who if anybody to be aware of. Also I should expect pleasant surprises, like some one becoming an ally for me (someone to stand up for me or offers support). For now I am pleased at the response. The staff has been great, and my fellow clients in general have not avoided me. There is even one woman that says, “hi Stephie,” when I come into the lunch room.

¹ It’s a Bathroom Thing.

† Why I am a transgender woman is not that important to me. I just accept that I am.

‡ This maybe, but it is still not an accepting world as a whole out in the general population. She probably made this statement based on her own experience. And young people today may indeed be more accepting than the older crowd.