I have previously wrote I Don’t Crossdress. It that post I argued for why I don’t crossdress, but I didn’t reveal much of why I do wear the clothes I wear. The clothes that fit my gender. This is a woman. As I woman I choose to dress as a woman. Of course this form of dress for a woman is socially constructed in the sense that woman are expected to present in certain ways. So why do I dress like a woman if it is a socially constructed form of dress?
First, I do not feel obligated to dress as a woman. There are no laws in the United States as far as I know that demands that woman dress in any manner at all as long as they are dressed. At least where I live. Second, I am an independent and some would say a head-strong woman. I would call myself self-determined. Third, nobody is ordering me or forcing me to dress as a woman. So, there is nothing that compels me to dress as a woman.
Plus, in modern America women dress in all sorts of ways. So, why do I choose to dress in a particular feminine way. Again what is feminine is social determined. But, in today’s world in the United States woman are not beholden to dress in a certain manner. Granted there are some areas of the county wear women are expected to dress modestly, but as long as you are not indecent (which is a community standard as well) or unclothed entirely you break no law.
But, societal pressure can be great indeed. And many women feel obligated to comply. As I said I do not. Still I dress in ways that would be considered feminine. So why do I do it? Why do I put on makeup when I go out of the house. Why do I wear skirts and dresses when weather permits. Why do I have such an aversion to guy clothing. Why do I still like sexy (some would say slutty) ways of dressing when in private, and why don’t I wear that type of clothing in public. Why in so many ways do I dress the way I do? Why even think about why I dress the way I do?
I have never been one to bow under pressure even to my own detriment. As such, I do not feel obligated. If I chose, I feel that if I had to wear guy clothes I would still be the woman I am. Many women do after all. But, this gurl does not. I like the feminine fluffing. And without any further analysis it feels more like me being dressed in woman’s clothing. I see putting on makeup as essential. It takes the masculine edge off my face. Wearing skirts and dresses further enhances my feminine appearance. My aversion to guy clothes I suppose it is because it represents a life I was never particularly comfortable with. The sexy clothing fits in with my sexual play. Being sexual (horny) is part of who I am. I am safety conscious when I am out, and wearing sexy clothing out says, “abuse me.” So, I don’t. Even though any woman should not have to fear it.
I touched on feeling more like me when I dress in woman’s clothing in the last paragraph. When I first fully identified as a woman I was still dressing exclusively in sexy clothes in private. I wouldn’t have dared wear them out before identifying, and still wouldn’t since. But, I had no woman’s clothes to wear out. And I had not started to transition either. But since I have been transitioning, I started to build a more modest wardrobe I could feel comfortable in. I started out slowly. Jeans, shorts, and leggings where the first things I wore out. I felt I needed to be comfortable with this type of dress before wearing more obvious woman’s attire. That I did, and I started adding makeup and femme head wear. Next was a skirt and then a wig and then a wig and skirt. This gradual approach worked fine for me as I got more and more comfortable presenting in public.
I related this because I have a theory about how I became so comfortable so fast. The span of time for this was about 4 months. This has surprised and amazed me (My Amazing Progress). My theory is that I became so comfortable because it feels totally natural and right to be dressed femme. Despite the usual trials of any woman dressing, I am more comfortable in woman’s clothing than I ever was wearing guy clothes by far. So, a major reason I dress femme is because I am more comfortable dressing that way.
Another major reason touched on above is presenting as a woman and being seen that way. This is called passing in the transgender vernacular. As a woman I want to be seen as a woman. And as women are expected to wear certain forms of clothing, I feel I need to be seen in such clothing. At home I am more relax. Like after my shower I put on cotton PJs or sweats and a hoodie. Sometimes a night shirt. I still am getting misgendered. But leggings a sweat jacket up top, are not obviously womanly as a skirt or dress. Still I feel I need to do my best with what I got. And that is to always present in women’s attire.
Finally, as a woman I like dressing in a feminine way. It expresses who I am, whether or not anyone sees me. My internal sense of self as a woman is the most important aspect of my gender identity, and dressing is an expression of that. That is why I desire to present as a woman whether to others or just myself. I dress in different ways for different feelings. My more modest look for the whole world to see, a more active wear for more physical activities mostly with comfort in mind, and the sexy look I still like during times of privacy. These more or less express my feminine feelings.
So there you have it. I mainly dress as a woman because I am the most comfortable in this type clothing, it is important to me that I present to others as a woman, and it is a form of feminine expression I like to reveal to others or myself. I shared my amazement of the progress I have made, and this is just in the presentation phase. I felt I would be lucky if I could reach this stage of presentation in a year of transitioning. It has happen in half that time. Like most women I am always looking to expand my wardrobe. I am already looking to add spring wear to it.