It’s a Clothes Thing

We all have to wear them. Unless you live in a nudist camp. Can I really have an issue with wearing them? I sure can. It is not wearing them per se, but the kind of clothes that is my issue. So, yes I do have a thing about clothing. There are several areas to explore here. My relationship with guy clothes. My wardrobe. And, my ability to wear certain clothing items.

I actually do not have a real relationship with guy clothes anymore. But, I did when I originally planned to write about my clothing thing. Back then it was the horror of having to wear any guy clothes. Yes you read it right—horror. I am a woman, and I am not a man. And because I am a transgender woman, I am super sensitive of what clothing I am wearing. To me it is clear cut (although I understand it can be different for different people trans or cis). Guy clothes equal man, woman’s clothes equal woman.

Still my guy clothes linger in the apartment. Most of it is bagged and ready to be donate or consigned. It bothers me to even have them in my girlfriend’s apartment. There are guy clothes still at my place, but I am hardly there. Before starting to transition I would go there for private dress up time, and completely ignore my guy clothes. Now I don’t even do that there. A few of you might say I am freaking out. Well, I am. I can’t help it; it gives me a case of the cringes. Maybe not as bad as being called sir (another post coming on this), but I am still uncomfortable with it.

Now on to my wardrobe. When I first started to identify as a woman, it did not occur that I would desire a full wardrobe of women’s clothing. I was satisfied with my small collection of sexy clothing, including my still beloved heels (4″). But when I began to transition, it dawn on me that I would need a whole other look to fit in with real world dressing and not the private world of dress-up.

It started even before I actually started to transition. My first new woman’s clothing item was a shorts style bathing suit bottom. My girlfriend gave it to me for my birthday. I wore it all summer long at the pool with my shaved and smoothed legs. I wore a tee up top. I knew even than that I wanted to ditch my guy clothes. So I got a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt tapered jeans (black), and then a pair of blue jean shorts to take my walks in. Soon it was another pair of jeans (same style, ash color) and another pair of shorts (black with shorter legs). As summer wane I found two pair of jean style leggings (one black, one blue) at Aldi and a pair of woman’s sneakers. With some woman’s tees, I finally went out completely in woman’s clothing.

Sounding like a woman obsessed? My girlfriend thinks so (or at least back then and probably still some today). But I have learned in my transgender reading that it is pretty normal to be so obsessed when beginning to transition. I also read that one transwoman stopped only after three years including hormones and surgery. But, importantly, my therapist does not think I am acting abnormally. Clothes, clothes, and more clothes yes!

I am still in the process of building my wardrobe. But, in my mind I have so far to go. I am needing winter boots for one (got them Sunday actually). A replacement for my tote as the my current one (unisex by the way) is fraying on the straps. And, purple gloves (got today) to go with my new purple 3 in 1 winter jacket. And I am proud to report that I bought my first sensible skirt with a top to go with it, which I wore last Tuesday. They are both black with silver highlights. The skirt is an a-line going just below the knees. I have the feeling that like many woman I am familiar with I will be forever building my wardrobe. This spring will definitely require more purchases, which I will try to manage with my slim budget.

Now on to the last thing I want to explore here. What clothing choices can I get away with in an obviously male body. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) will help in certain respects. It should give me noticeable breasts and some padding on the my tush. My face should soften too and body hair become less, but that is not directly relate to what I can wear. The main issue which will probably my hips. HRT does nothing to change your bone structure. There is the possibility of using a corset, but I don’t know if I would want to get that drastic in the name of having a more feminine figure, if corsets actually work.†

So, I probably will never have an hourglass figure or even very noticeable hips accept with continued weight loss within normal limits of course, especially at the tummy line. But, then again why do I even need that kind of figure. Is it because it is supposedly the ideal? I have never been one to go after fashion in the first place, so why shoot for the impossibly unrealistic body image. I don’t even want huge boobs, not even C-cups, so I will only have small hormone breasts I imagine. A-cups are actually my dream. But for now I am flat as a board so to speak. My sports bras give some padding, but not so naturally.

{There is another issue. This is connected with my clitty. Figure hugging dresses and tight crotch pants will show it. This would not only get me read, it would be very embarrassing for me. There are undergarments call gaffs. These help to hide male parts (clitty for me). A  lot of drag queens wear them. I have know idea how well they work. I will experiment with one from Amazon eventually. So until and also and if I get bottom surgery, hiding my clitty is the last frontier.

Will I ever become comfortable about how my clothes will hang on me? I just might. I am very early in my transition, and so I am on what you could call high alert for now. This is bound to get better, as it already has in other areas. I am fortunate in that I have a strong sense of self, and this should serve me well in all aspects of my transitioning, including the clothing aspects.

 

† Depends where you go for your information. Medical sites like Healthline, are strongly against using them. They consider them very unhealthy. Also the claims for permanent alteration seems not to be true either.