This is the second in a series of posts talking about issues I am dealing with as a transgender woman. The first post was It’s a Bathroom Thing.
Seeing hair on my body results in a range of feelings, going from mild (darn I missed a hair) to distress (why oh why do I have to deal with body hair at all). But, I will tell you straight off I do not like the fact that I have body and face hair. It is the opposite on my head. I have a bald spot and a receding hairline. But, it is really my body hair that is so troubling at the moment.
Me at the pool. You can not see them, but in the bright light of the sun I seemed to always see some stray hairs. It pisses me off. If only the light was better in the bathroom at home. It is even worse because I shave in the shower. Even less light in there. Before laying out at the pool I had assume I had been doing a good job shaving my legs. The pool has closed for the year now, and stray hairs are going to be sighted less. The need to shave my legs is going back to every three to four days, instead of every two.
I shave my ass when I do my legs. But around my privates it is a daily thing, as well as my abdomen and chest. I started doing my back and arms in mid and late spring respectively. These are on a need to shave basis.
I wish so much not to have any body hair, but the cost of laser treatments is prohibitive for me, even buying a unit to do it myself is costly for me. I will probably take the hormone replacement therapy (hrt) route, and I am working towards that goal in therapy. I started gender therapy in July. Hrt won’t take care of all my hair, but it certainly should lessens the amount I would have to deal with. I haven’t talk about facial hair, but I hear it does less for those hairs than body hair.
I just mentioned facial hair, so what about it? It would appear that any transgender woman would not want this type of hair at all, so why bring it up? Because it stares me in the face every time I look in the mirror. Once upon a time, not really that long ago, I had worn a beard for I considerable part of my adult life, and when not in full beard mode, I still wore a mustache. I began to fully identify as Stephie back in November of 2019, but I hesitated to shave my beard for what I thought were social reasons, and what my girlfriend would think. I thought of all the questions I would have to field. But, I kept pestering my girlfriend to not object. This tactic wasn’t working, so in February after staring at the mirror I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I shaved it off. To my surprise my girlfriend didn’t even notice for weeks. And, socially all I got in the main were compliments. Still those pesky face hairs grow everyday faster than body hair.
Okay, what’s this hate affair I have with my body and facial hair? After all some woman don’t shave or only shave certain areas. I have never found that attractive on a woman, so it is natural that I would not find it attractive on myself. But, there is a more inner reason for the disgust of having hair where I don’t want it. This is I feel I am behind in the game. Let me explain. I am a woman, but I still have a very male body. Body and facial hair is something I can control to a greater extent to match my ideal of being feminine.† Since that is the case, I feel a need and desire to be hairless. Hence, my issue with body and facial hair.
I am having the opposite problem with the hair on top of my head. I have a significant bald spot and a receding hair line as I have already said. I am also graying around the ears. It has been short for sometime, but even growing it out is no solution. I now have a wig to wear that is manageable. My first one was a mess to handle, and it had become ever more unruly. The new one I was alerted to by a friend who emailed me a pic of her wearing it. [No I do not share others’ pics without permission and it is unlikely that I would ask anyone.] I liked it on her, and asked where she‡ got it, and she sent me the link. I bought it. It is wearable. But my end game will be a wig of human hair. As a stop gap measure or just a different look, I am letting my hair grow out, and will try wearing caps, hats, and scarfs. Of note is that hrt can actually increase head hair because of the anti-androgen hormones that are usually part of the package.
Well, that’s me and my hair for now. Like most of my personal posts, it is a snap shot of where I am in my thoughts and feelings.
†Part of my ideal of being feminine is having a smooth body. I will grant that I have been influence by mass media ideals. But, I don’t feel like that detracts from what I like. Other csiwoman or transwoman may have differing ideals.
‡ She is her preferred pronoun. It is different for other’s on the transgender spectrum. Like a genderfluid person might prefer they, which is becoming an acceptable singular pronoun. I haven’t actually looked into it, but I have heard that at one point in the past it was used in the singular. I will have more to say about both the transgender spectrum as I see it and the use of pronouns and other word usage issues in future blog posts.