The first thing to say is I am a late bloomer. I am 60 years old. But even so, me, Stephie has bloomed.
It was basically a five year process after my depression and anxiety had lifted, and I became mentally well, not just symptom free. Over these five years I gradually recognized that I was a woman. Of course, before that I had these feelings, but they were dulled by the depression for over thirty years, and before that I was addicted to drugs and alcohol since I was eleven, or at least that was the first time I used. Another thing that I have notice looking back is I was always more comfortable being around girls, and then women as I grew older. Yes, I had guy friends, but I detested their locker room talk.
So what happen five years ago. I started to dress as a woman. Or, gurl† as I call myself at times. It felt nice to wear clothing that seemed to match my feminine mood. I was buying woman’s clothing, mostly in the pretty sexy mode, from Amazon discretely and without my girlfriends knowledge. Eventually I started dressing as often as I was left alone in the apartment. I would imagine myself as a woman. As the years rolled along I accumulated more clothes.
In these years I began to shave my body parts, but would allow it grow back during warm weather months. I was deeply in the closet. I shaved my legs, pubes, ass, chest and tummy. The pubes and ass became a year round phenomenon. But, I could not wait each year for cooler weather to shave the rest. During this time I allow my back and arms to remain hairy. I also still had a beard.
There was another aspect to my growth in femininity. This was self-sex. I hesitate to write about this, but it is pretty much essential to my blooming. This is because of an increasing attention given to my asspussy† with toys. It became my preferred way to have self-sex. It also felt like the womanly way, so it too increase my feminine feelings. I also hesitate to say an anal orgasm is far superior than the feeling of having my clitty† cum.
Let me fast forward to last summer. It was than that I started wearing panties 24/7. Still in the closet I washed them out in the shower and dried them in my underwear drawer. But I was getting frustrated because my girlfriends arthritis was getting severe and she couldn’t go out as much as she used to. But I found a solution. I keep another residence for a number of reasons with two guys. It is housing provided to the mentally ill. So I started going there on Sundays to dress, restricted to my room. My drive to be feminine, and to have sex as a female was growing stronger.
As summer waned and the fall was coming on, I began to feel like a gurl, even when not dressed or doing self-sex. I knew something was happening with me. When I shaved my body hair once again, I decided I never wanted to have a body hair again. But, still I kept the beard for what I thought at the time were social reasons.‡ When November came I felt like a woman 24/7. I was no longer a man, although obviously I was still in a male body. Still I hesitated until a gurlfriend from a social media site for sissies,† I had join for a number of reasons, encouraged me to become Stephie–—the woman I was.
I did, and I have never looked back. Stephie had bloomed.
† These terms comes from a culture of exploring gender in a more sexual way for the most part. “Gurl” is a term that I am fond of, and still use it even though I really see myself as a woman. But it was a term I was introduced to within this culture. It is used to describe woman who are males physically and who feel feminine either on a part time basis like I had, or a permanent feeling like I have now. I like to define it as those individuals who have feminine feelings, but yet still have boy parts. “Asspussy” is a term used to refer to the anal canal. If you feel like a woman who is pre-op it is natural to refer to it as your pussy, and since it is referred as an ass it combines them into a compound word. “Clitty” is a term used to indicate a penis on a gurl. It is a term that I think of as cute. So I do not mine using it to refer to my penis, a term I never use at all any more. After all a clitoris and penis are the same thing before sexual differentiation takes place in the fetus. Some individuals are born with a vagina but a larger clitoris. One that is like a small penis. These individuals are called intersex. “Sissies” are again another term for feminized males. I have taken the term and made into the sexual part of being a gurl. But as a whole it is a demeaning term. But many sissies are proud to be one.
‡ I ended up finally shaving my beard in February and my back and arms were bare by summertime.